Perpsective...Again

PERSPECTIVE.  The original inspiration and drive for this blog.  While the importance of this idea has been lost many times along the way, I am occasionally reminded if it in such a powerful way that it moves me to write about it or to make an about face in my life.

In the 3^rd Trimester of my pregnancy with our fourth child I have embarrassingly found myself moody, grumpy, unthankful, easily angered, frustrated, quick tempered and just plain not enjoyable.  Why?  Oh because my life is JUST SO HORRIBLE  (insert shameful sarcasm here).

I’ve said this before, but my very worst of days may be the kind of day that some only dream of.  My “big deals” and daily “stressors” are NOTHING in the grand scheme of things.  And quite frankly, I’d like to boldly tell myself, “Get over it!”

In the past couple weeks alone I know people who have laid a child to rest, spent time in and out of the hospitals,  gotten terminal diagnoses for themselves or have been told that they will soon have to watch their child die.

…My stressors are NOTHING when compared to any of that!

I have so very much to be thankful for that I have begun to take for granted.  I should be thanking the good Lord for every breath that my family and I take and for everything that happens between each breath.  (Afterall, somewhere tonight, I’m certain that somebody is wishing that their child could take just one more breath!!)

I’d like to reflect on all of the things that I have to be thanking the Lord for, not to boast or showcase, but mostly as a written reminder to myself….

I have been saved and promised a place in Heaven.  I have a hardworking and faithful husband who really spends time with his kids and helps out wherever he can…who provides for this family beyond our necessities.

We have a nice place to live where we can be together.  We’re warm when it’s cold out and comfortable when it’s hot out.  We have good food to fill our bellies. We have reliable vehicles to get us from place to place. We have warm beds to rest of the night and…we have a family that is still intact!

I have three (Lord Willing, soon to be 4) amazing children.  They are happy.  They are healthy…something I’ve taken for granted far too often and pray continues through the course of their lives. They have amazing qualities that sometimes I wish I would stop being too busy to appreciate….filled with curiosity, love, energy, heart and childhood ‘innocence’ and tenderness that will fade away far too quickly.

Thank you Lord for every single thing that I’ve mentioned and forgive me for anything that I have forgotten, minimized or have taken for granted.  I pray this will be a reminder to myself that each day is a gift…no matter how ‘difficult’ it may seem, may I do more to embrace it with a smile, a good attitude and grace!!

 

And Then I Blinked

And Then I Blinked

 

I’m certain I’ve written this blog post at least five other times, either in my head or on my blog, with different words or coming from different emotions. 

 This week has been a difficult week as all of my little ones have been a bit under the weather and needing as much of Mommy as Mommy has to offer….Tugging at both my heart strings as well as my patience.  (Mommyhood is a job of endurance…there’s no questions about that!  Physical, Mental, Emotional and any other way you can endure something.)  With all of that being said, it’s also been a sweet, tender week.  It’s been a  week that caused me to slow down and spend more time with my kids. 

 Somehow in the midst of all of that, the fact that my babies are quickly growing up hit me square in the face and in the middle of my heart.  I’ve said it before…THREE (years old) is TOUGH, but it also SO VERY AMAZING, so sweet, so funny, so innocent, so full of life, so curious, so compassionate, so loving, so kind, so helpful, so honest, so creative, so imaginative…so special and priceless! 

 There are, no doubt, moments in our days that I wish I could fast forward right through, but I know that without those tough moments, I wouldn’t appreciate those amazing ones quite as much. 

 If you know me at all, you know that I am a very nostalgic person, especially when it comes to my children.  People will often say to me (after finding out that we are having a 4^th baby -16 months after our 3^rd), “Oh, well at least you will have a BABY again!” 

 I know that people mean well when they say this, but I think the ones that say it must only have one or two kids…because here’s the thing… Having another baby only makes your other babies grow up even faster.  I was warned of this subsequent child phenomenon.  I was warned that as soon as I brought home the new baby that my other children would seem so grown.  And sure enough, I left for the hospital and I had my two sweet 2 ½ year old toddlers and I came home to two little boys…now seeming, older, wiser, more mature, bigger, and much less like the babies I had seen them as before.  (This has pros and cons for everybody) 

 

 

 When baby number 4 arrives…I will leave my babies at home… but I still feel like one of them will STILL BE A BABY!  16 months old is still very much a baby to me!!!  I don’t want Ellie to seem big faster than she has to.

 My boys have grown up so quickly and they remind me on a daily basis how big they are getting.  Today after the boys got up from their nap, I went in their room and laid down with them and read stories a bit.  Nolan looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m getting so big.  Only a little bit more and I’ll be big enough to go to school and for the school bus to come pick me up.”  I nearly burst into tears.  Moments later he said, “Mommy can you rock me like you did when I was a baby? And sing me that song that you used to sing me?”  Then the tears came rolling!! 

I love all of my children so very very much and thank the Lord for each of them.  I have to admit though, the hardest part of being a mom to many (other than the constant chaosJ ) is the guilt that I have always felt for not being able to give more… more time, more attention, more love, more snuggles, more stories, more small moments reserved just for that one child…. 

So, the point of all of this?

I still remember that very moment back in 2009 when I got my very first positive pregnancy test at 6:00 in the morning.  I paced the room back and forth with some kind of excitement that I never knew existed.  (I had, afterall, waited two years for that test!!)  That moment still seems so fresh, and here we are, four years later, with three amazing children and on the way..

 

…I Blinked….

 

I blinked and my life happened!  Pry your eyes open Mommy!  For you will blink again and another four amazing years will have passed you by!  Cherish every moment… big and small; awesome and not so awesome!

Setting the Record Straight

 

 You would think I’d be used to all of the stares, pointing and beyond inappropriate comments by now.  It happens every time I take my children anywhere…even on their best behaved days!  I go it with “the boys” (the twins)…and once Ellie entered into the picture (or even during my pregnancy)…entering into the three under three club…it just intensified. 

 

This past week we had a spontaneous day (of which I have no pictures)… we were gone from the house from 8:00-1:00…spontaneity doesn’t usually work too well with three small children!  (I’m talking so spontaneous that I didn’t even have a diaper for Ellie!)  *enter gasp here*

 

On our third stop of the day, we went to Michael’s to get some wooden boxes for the boys to put their rock collection in.  I had two kids in  the stroller and I was wearing the other.  As we were standing in line patiently waiting to check out this lady turned to me with wide eyes and mouth dropped and said, “Oh. My. God.  You have your hands FULL!” 

 

More than slightly annoyed I turned to here, laughed, smiled and held both of my hands up on the air and said, “My hands are completely empty.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

On our next stop (Sam’s Club) we were standing in line and this older lady comes up to me seeming a bit puzzled and asks, “Are they all YOURS?” 

 

“Yes. They are.” I said.

 “Honey, I think it’s about time for you to shut down the factory.”  She boldly told me. 

 

And there it was…I had had it…. So I smiled and politely turned away from her. 

 

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why people feel sorry for me that I have children.  The world somehow views children as a burden, a curse even. 

 

There was a time in my life, not too long ago, that I prayed to the Lord that He would bless us with children.  I wondered if I would ever know what it was like to be a biological mom of even one child.  During this process I went through a very spiritual journey understanding that God was in control of it all and if He wanted me to have a child…I would…if He didn’t…the I wouldn’t. 

 

The Bible says in Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

 

He intended for children to be a blessing and not a burden.  I’m not going to lie… being a Mommy is the single most challenging thing I’ve ever attempted in my life…and I’m thinking it’s not getting any easier…but hear this….

 

The Lord has BLESSED us with three wonderful children who add so much to our lives…three children that I wouldn’t trade for all the money in the world even on their worst of days!