Friday, May 27, 2011

One Year Ago Today...Part 2

One year ago today, I experienced the best day of my life. 


We woke early and gathered all five of the bags that I would be taking to the hospital.  We piled in the car and my dad followed us in our little truck.  He was going to be there for every moment of it.  Not long after we got to the hospital my mom and step-dad (a pair I refer to as "my parents) arrived to be part of the celebration as well.  For as long as I live I don't know that I will forget this time we spent in that triage room.  Most of my life I feared my dad, mom and step-dad and myself, being in the same room.  Nothing bad really ever happened, but I had some kind of terrible image in my head the this combination was just like a ticking time bomb.  It only happened a few times, but each time it made me very uncomfortable. Not this time though...I was about to become the mommy of two of the most amazing little boys I knew and I was sharing it with the people that meant the most to me.  There we all sat in that room...Me, Nathan, my dad and my parents.  I don't know if it was the medication, but I remember it being so fun!  All sitting around laughing and smiling and joking.  I even remember the nurses telling us that people were talking about how they kept passing our room and wondered what was going on in there, why were we having so much fun?  :)  We were having so much fun because my dad was there.  I don't know what was about him, but wherever he was, there was bound to be fun!




Fluids given, iv's in, medicine taken...ready to go back!  I was shaking with fear for what was about to happen.  The only surgery I'd ever had was oral surgery.  I somehow just didn't think this was going to compare!  They were going to cut a four inch hole in my body!  My dad kissed me as they wheeled me back.  I remember looking back and seeing all of my family standing there and I my eyes welled up with tears.  (Why in the world do they insist on having you go into that cold, sterile room all by yourself?!?!) 

I'll skip the horrific details about the spinal that didn't take the first time and what not and skip straight to the part where Nathan came into the room.  I hate to say it, but I really don't remember that much.  It all happened so quickly.  And having a c-section you can't really see or feel much of anything.  I could hear the doctors talking and moving their tools around and some tugging...I could feel when they took the first baby out (Twin A - Nolan) and they said, "look at that hair" and I tried to move around as though I was going to be able to see and then, I heard it, the first cry.  It was amazing!  How can you possibly doubt the power of the Lord when He allows a little 'bean' to grow and develop into a baby?  A person!  And he was my little person, crying with a set of lungs (that you can still hear today :)  I started weeping as I realized I had just become a mommy!  (Of course all of this happened within the course of a few seconds)  And then, 15 seconds later, more tugging and out came (twin b - Asher) and I heard the cries and more tears flowed down my face!  I was so happy! 





Skip to recovery room....





First time holding both of my babies at the same time...Certainly not the last...It just keeps getting more and more challenging :)



My step-dad (AkA Del), Asher, Me, Nolan, & Nathan...This is Del's classic picture face...eyes closed no matter how many times you take the picture ;)'

All of my family was there to be a part of this amazing moment as the nurses laid both babies in my arms for the first time.  I felt as though I was living somebody else's life, a dream come true that certainly couldn't be possible in my own life.  I looked down at those babies thinking that just a short time ago I thought I would never know what it would be like to have chilrden of my own and now, thanks to the Lord, we've got two amazing little boys...it was beyond a dream come true, it was an answer to so many prayers and the wiping away of many tears I had cried wondering if I would ever know this moment, if I would ever know this love (a love I didn't even know existed). 
It was an amazing moment as Asher and Nolan were passed around the room from one proud member of the family to the next.  I look back and think of my dad and my parents and husband posing for picture after picture, seeming to be in just as much amazement as myself.  I just watched as the purest kind of happiness unfolded in that room.

Not long after they wheeled me to our room where we would stay for four days.  The first day was a bit of a blur as we had SEVERAL visitors. 

(These are just a a couple of the visitors that we had...)



It was such a day of celebration and love.  Long story short, we stayed in the hospital for four days.  Nathan stayed with me the first three nights.  My dad spent everyday with me making sure I was being taken care of.  He would make sure I was resting, happy, and that I had food and snacks....lots of crackers!  :)  And nutterbutters!  He was so thrilled to be a grandpa.  Dare I say he was just about as thrilled to be  grandpa as I was to be a mommy.  My mom came and stayed with me the final night so Nathan could get some sleep before reality really set in! (Whew and what a reality that was! ;D ....)

My in-laws drove about five hours (one way) to see their new grandsons...which was so kind...especially as they already had at least a dozen others (and one very special BRADY CHARLES ANDERSON born on the same day!  WE LOVE YOU BRADY!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY!)


Here's what I remember most about the hospital...I never felt shut in or desperate to go home.  I knew I was recovering from surgery and if I couldn't walk at the hospital I surely couldn't take care of two babies at home.  I was certain that I never wanted those babies to leave my side.  Most of the time, I was trying to figure out how to fit us all in the bed together.  I knew there was a way that we could all sleep comfortably together in that little hospital bed, but I never did find it...at least the comfortable part ;)  I couldn't stop looking at my babies.  I was terrified I wouldn't be a good enough Mommy.  How could I possibly be?  They were two perfect little creatures that needed and equally perfect Mommy.  How could I possibly love somebody (or two) sooooooo much?  I remember telling Nathan, "I love them so much it hurts!"  

It has been the greatest blessing to be a part of this first year.  To watch and be with them every single day, thanks to my very hard working husband!  I can't imagine my life any other way.  I've been able to share every new experience with them and for that I am so thankful.  I've heard some people say, "A baby's life is easy..."  I don't think it's true.  The logic behind this is they eat, poop and sleep.  I assume those people have never had a baby.  In the first nine months the baby has to go from a bean to a baby.  That in itself MUST be hard work.  In the following 12 months after the baby is born he must learn to open it's eyes, suckle, turn his head, smile, laugh, reach for an object, touch and object, grasp an object, hold his head up, sit, roll over, balance, scoot, crawl, eat off of a spoon, walk...and all the while, this big world is going on right beside of them.  After seeing first hand what a baby does in just one year, I don't think it must be easy at all...hard work, yes, exciting, yes, but easy? Certainly not!  


 
Today my precious little boys turn 1 year old.  I have always been told that once you have kids time really starts to fly and how true that is. On the one hand, it doesn't seem like a year could've possibly already passed, but on the other, I can hardly remember not being a Mommy to Asher and Nolan.  Asher and Nolan changed my life forever.  I've never been more deeply happy.  They have given me such a purpose and desire to be better everyday.  I want to be the best mommy and role model in every way so that they can be the boys, young men and then men that they are capable of being.  Above all things, I want nothing more than for our children to grow up to personally know the Lord and accept Him into their hearts, for that would be the greatest devastation of all, getting to Heaven by the grace of God and seeing that your children are absent.  Nathan said the other night, "They are our first mission!"  And how true that is.  It is our job as Christians to lead people to the Lord, and the people at the top of our list are our children!  

I love you Asher and Nolan so very very much!  Thank you for every reason you have given me to smile, for a happiness like no other.  I pray that I will be a mommy that will raise you in the Lord and teach you all that you may need to know!  Happy Birthday (my not so baby) Boys!  








Thursday, May 26, 2011

One Year Ago Today...Part 1 1/2

Just thought I'd add one more thing that seemed VERY appropriate.

One year ago today my daddy packed an entire extra suitcase full of clothes and blankets for the boys.  He was so excited to meet them and be a part of their lives.  The thing that saddens me the most is to know that my boys will never know Grandpa Frank who already loved them so much and was so excited for the years to come down the road as he intended to teach them about sports and the like.  

One year ago today my dad pulled these onesies and thought they were soooo cool!  Today, my boys wear them as I think about one year ago today.....











 

One Year Ago Today...Part 1

I'm going to do my very best to choke back the tears that may otherwise pour so freely as I write this challenging, but necessary post. 

One year ago today, May 26, 2010 the biggest ball of emotions rolled through me as my life would change in more ways than I ever realized.  One year ago today, I sat in the doctor's office discussing and planning the scheduled c-section of my fantastic baby boys.  I was scared yet excited, nervous yet thrilled, anxious yet in complete disbelief that the Lord had allowed my life to unfold the way that it had. 

After leaving the doctor's office we went to pick up my dad from the airport.  He saw me, said "Wow Mol! You are enormous (in the most loving way possible)" and gave me a hug! This was both the first and last time that I would ever pick my dad up from an airport. 

We spent that afternoon and evening celebrating and preparing for the birth of our baby boys, of the only grandsons my parents would ever know.  We went to lunch at Olive Garden.  I remember my daddy laughing with me as I struggled to get into the booth :D  (I still swear I had no idea just how big I was..and It's a good thing!) Afterwards we went to Target and purchased some last minute items that I would need for the hospital stay.  He helped me pick out a yellow nightgown and grey robe.  We debated what size to get as I wanted to also use the robe for AFTER the babies were born too.  I thought a medium would suffice, but he affectionatley asked me if I had looked in the mirror lately and what would I do with the rest of my body after the medium covered up only a portion of it!?  (If you knew my dad, you would know that I could not take offense to this because my dad would pretty much never say anything to hurt my feelings.) 

Later that evening we went to a resturant called Havana's @ Carolina Beach.  I had been very strict about my diet my entire pregnancy in order to assure health and safety for myself and Babies.  I followed pretty much every rule in the book and some that were just hearsay too.  Point is, I had not had a filet (one of my all time favorite things to eat) since before I was pregnant because you are not supposed to have medium meat and afterall, what is the point in a burnt filet?  What a waste of money.  Well, I had a filet that night!  It was delicous!  When I think of this I think of the unmatched friendliness and outgoing personality that my dad had.  He could walk into a room of 100 people and know at least half of them before he left.  He was one of the most likeable people I've ever met.  He could make you smile, laugh, feel good about yourself and ponder some of life's greatest mysteries. 

One year ago today, I shared the coming excitement of Asher & Nolan with my dad!  He, though hundreds of miles away, was on the of the most supportive people I could've asked for.  (Granted, in all honesty, it wasn't always this way)  Even while my husband and I were trying to conceive my dad was so encouraging and would do anything to take the pain away for me as I was coming to the realization that we may never have children of our own. Then, we he found out that we were expecting (he was the first to know) he was so thrilled and from that moment on was calling me before and after every doctor's appointment, every ultrasound and everywhere in between to check on all of us.  I was so lucky.  He was my very best friend and understood me better than anybody else in this world.

One year ago today I was with my dad smiling, laughing and spending priceless time together. 

One year ago today....

Saturday, May 21, 2011

No End in Eternity

This "end of the world" stuff has really made me think about a few things....It is not my intention to offend anyone, only to share with you what has been shared with me. 

In January of 2007 I was saved.  Many of you may be wondering what that even means...I didn't know what it meant.

What is "salvation"?  In plain and simple terms it means to me that the Lord came and secured a place for my soul in Heaven.  It means that a piece of God, the Holy Spirit, came and lived within me to lead me in the direction of the Lord.  It means that I am a child of God and my life should be changed to serve and honor Him.  It was.  I became a new person.  Let me explain what the Lord did...

The first step of this was to realize that I was and am a sinner.  At first, this sounds so terrible.  Me?  But I'm nice enough, right?  The Bible says in 1 John 1:8 "If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us." and in Romans 3:23 "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God."  This was hard to swallow. 

I believed in God.  I knew there was a Bible and a Heaven and a Hell.  Wasn't that enough?  In Titus 3:5 the Bible says "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to his mercy he saved us by the washing and regeneration and renewing of the Holy Ghost."  And in Romans 6:23 "For the wages of sin is death: but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord"

The Lord has made it so simple...In Romans 10:13 "For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved."  So, this is what I did.  I 'Called" upon the Lord.  I asked him to come into my heart and save my soul, to come and be a part of me with the Holy Spirit.  I was and truly forever will be because of Him.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mother's Day Preview

Mother's Day has a whole new meaning now that I'm a Mommy!  I can't imagine my life any other way and I thank the Lord for allowing me to experience this amazing thing called Motherhood. 








I love you baby boys!  Thank you for bringing such happiness and joy to our lives.I cherish each and every moment that I am given with you!  I pray each day that you will grow to be men of the Lord. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Moments Away

Our baby boys are eleven months old and well on their way to A YEAR OLD!  I know I say it in almost every single post, but I can't believe that nearly a year has passed and in just a few "moments" our little boys will be ONE!  It is exciting to see all of the new things they do and experience as they get a little older everyday, but I am that crazy mama who still longs for time to stand still and for my babies to be tiny for just a little while longer.  So much changes in a year.  Change happens noticeably every day in the life of a young child. 


What really saddens me about this is that my baby boys' birthday and my dad's death seem to be all wrapped up into one very large time in my life.  As the excitement of Asher and Nolan's birthday nears, so does the fear of the emotion that may overtake me when thinking of my dad.  Asher and Nolan's birth was really the last moments that my dad and I shared...not two weeks later he was gone.  As I try desperately to be thankful for the moments that we had together and the moments he had with his grandsons it crushes me to know we will be celebrating their birthday without him.  So many moments that I long to share with him.  I know that if he were here I would be calling him a million times a day (because that's just what we did) and tell him everything Asher and Nolan were doing and he would think it was all so cool.  So instead, thankfully, I call my mom twice as much as I normally would...once for her and once for the phone call I would've made to my dad.

He really would've made such an amazing Grandpa. 

Yesterday we took our first family beach trip of the season.  We took my dad's board with us too...just the way he would've wanted it.  It was then that the emotions began to surge through me as I realized we were having yet another moment that my dad would've absolutely loved to be a part of.  It's always such a bittersweet moment when something special is happening with Asher and Nolan....I'm happy in that moment, but then more than just a little sad because I can't share it with my dad...