Moments Away

Our baby boys are eleven months old and well on their way to A YEAR OLD!  I know I say it in almost every single post, but I can't believe that nearly a year has passed and in just a few "moments" our little boys will be ONE!  It is exciting to see all of the new things they do and experience as they get a little older everyday, but I am that crazy mama who still longs for time to stand still and for my babies to be tiny for just a little while longer.  So much changes in a year.  Change happens noticeably every day in the life of a young child. 

What really saddens me about this is that my baby boys' birthday and my dad's death seem to be all wrapped up into one very large time in my life.  As the excitement of Asher and Nolan's birthday nears, so does the fear of the emotion that may overtake me when thinking of my dad.  Asher and Nolan's birth was really the last moments that my dad and I shared...not two weeks later he was gone.  As I try desperately to be thankful for the moments that we had together and the moments he had with his grandsons it crushes me to know we will be celebrating their birthday without him.  So many moments that I long to share with him.  I know that if he were here I would be calling him a million times a day (because that's just what we did) and tell him everything Asher and Nolan were doing and he would think it was all so cool.  So instead, thankfully, I call my mom twice as much as I normally would...once for her and once for the phone call I would've made to my dad.

He really would've made such an amazing Grandpa. 

Yesterday we took our first family beach trip of the season.  We took my dad's board with us too...just the way he would've wanted it.  It was then that the emotions began to surge through me as I realized we were having yet another moment that my dad would've absolutely loved to be a part of.  It's always such a bittersweet moment when something special is happening with Asher and Nolan....I'm happy in that moment, but then more than just a little sad because I can't share it with my dad...