Do you ever look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Who Are You?" Me Either. Okay. Sometimes. I am just amazed by the fact that I am me, but sometimes I am still surprised to find things out about the way I think, feel, process, respond, believe etc. I mean, I am me, why wouldn't I just know all of these things instinctivley? Today, I was hit by another realization about myself and here it it. Let me preface this by saying this is NOT about my husband, this applies to many people in my life...past, present & future.
So here it is....When I feel loved, I love back with everything I've got. I am kind to that person, try to do extra special things for that person, figure out how to make that persons day and so on and so forth. However, when I feel that a 'level of love' has been lost, I tend to shy away and not be so involved with that person. I'm going to guess that many of you would say that this is only natural, but I've noticed that it occurs frequently with me. It's almost as though I feel intimidated, or why bother if they don't like me to begin with? I think I'd call it a fear of regection. I'm not really sure how this works or where it comes from, nor am I particularly crazy about it.
However, I realize this as well...If I would be the one to first do the 'loving' (or reaching out etc) then maybe none of that would matter. I would be so focused on trying to bring other people moments of happiness that it'd all circle back around.
Please don't mistake this post for me saying that I'm feeling unloved, it's just that I was reflecting on friendships over the past several years and other relationships with people through groups and sometimes my friendships have a tendancy to sort of 'die off'.' So, that's life, you say? Is it? Is that's how it's supposed to work or have I not been the friend that I should be? What do you think?
