Do you ever look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Who Are You?" Me Either. Okay. Sometimes. I am just amazed by the fact that I am me, but sometimes I am still surprised to find things out about the way I think, feel, process, respond, believe etc. I mean, I am me, why wouldn't I just know all of these things instinctivley? Today, I was hit by another realization about myself and here it it. Let me preface this by saying this is NOT about my husband, this applies to many people in my life...past, present & future.
So here it is....When I feel loved, I love back with everything I've got. I am kind to that person, try to do extra special things for that person, figure out how to make that persons day and so on and so forth. However, when I feel that a 'level of love' has been lost, I tend to shy away and not be so involved with that person. I'm going to guess that many of you would say that this is only natural, but I've noticed that it occurs frequently with me. It's almost as though I feel intimidated, or why bother if they don't like me to begin with? I think I'd call it a fear of regection. I'm not really sure how this works or where it comes from, nor am I particularly crazy about it.
However, I realize this as well...If I would be the one to first do the 'loving' (or reaching out etc) then maybe none of that would matter. I would be so focused on trying to bring other people moments of happiness that it'd all circle back around.
Please don't mistake this post for me saying that I'm feeling unloved, it's just that I was reflecting on friendships over the past several years and other relationships with people through groups and sometimes my friendships have a tendancy to sort of 'die off'.' So, that's life, you say? Is it? Is that's how it's supposed to work or have I not been the friend that I should be? What do you think?
I agree with it all. I'm the same way..well, I'm a friend for LIFE kind of person. I still even send b'day cards to friends that have long moved away and might not see for years..or even hear from them...much. But when we do connect..it's instantanously and as if time never left. THAT is what I like...and that's me. I like to retain in my heart..the good of that relationship and not let it slip away even with time. I'm a very sensitive "Friendship/Family" person. They mean everything to me. I have felt not wanted in some areas and so back off too...but retain in my heart the desire for the time again of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteI often...well now in my senior moments (NOT High School or college!! hee hee) just getting aged and ask myself WHO AM I? and just hope and pray my desire of..."
I AM a blessing to others..and in the will of the LORD."
You always write such great thought provoking post and so honest and real. Thank you.
Life should be about heart searching...and our love of others and our affect upon them and us. We can't feel defeated by the lack of love from others...but to give it...and make life just better by it.
Like the saying..what goes around..comes around..it would be nice if ALL LOVE AND GOODNESS did. most times..it does.
Some...it's a sprinkling of kindness that helped them through the day and forgotten. But thats okay...
then you KNOW who you are..
A person that lives life to be happy and make others happy.
It's a great life career!!!!
HUGS and LOVE
I think that makes perfect sense, Molly. You truly are a committed friend. Continuing to invest in a friendship with little or no return simply wouldn't make sense to someone who gives like you do. I am so blessed to have you in my life! =)
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