And Then I Blinked

And Then I Blinked

 

I’m certain I’ve written this blog post at least five other times, either in my head or on my blog, with different words or coming from different emotions. 

 This week has been a difficult week as all of my little ones have been a bit under the weather and needing as much of Mommy as Mommy has to offer….Tugging at both my heart strings as well as my patience.  (Mommyhood is a job of endurance…there’s no questions about that!  Physical, Mental, Emotional and any other way you can endure something.)  With all of that being said, it’s also been a sweet, tender week.  It’s been a  week that caused me to slow down and spend more time with my kids. 

 Somehow in the midst of all of that, the fact that my babies are quickly growing up hit me square in the face and in the middle of my heart.  I’ve said it before…THREE (years old) is TOUGH, but it also SO VERY AMAZING, so sweet, so funny, so innocent, so full of life, so curious, so compassionate, so loving, so kind, so helpful, so honest, so creative, so imaginative…so special and priceless! 

 There are, no doubt, moments in our days that I wish I could fast forward right through, but I know that without those tough moments, I wouldn’t appreciate those amazing ones quite as much. 

 If you know me at all, you know that I am a very nostalgic person, especially when it comes to my children.  People will often say to me (after finding out that we are having a 4^th baby -16 months after our 3^rd), “Oh, well at least you will have a BABY again!” 

 I know that people mean well when they say this, but I think the ones that say it must only have one or two kids…because here’s the thing… Having another baby only makes your other babies grow up even faster.  I was warned of this subsequent child phenomenon.  I was warned that as soon as I brought home the new baby that my other children would seem so grown.  And sure enough, I left for the hospital and I had my two sweet 2 ½ year old toddlers and I came home to two little boys…now seeming, older, wiser, more mature, bigger, and much less like the babies I had seen them as before.  (This has pros and cons for everybody) 

 

 

 When baby number 4 arrives…I will leave my babies at home… but I still feel like one of them will STILL BE A BABY!  16 months old is still very much a baby to me!!!  I don’t want Ellie to seem big faster than she has to.

 My boys have grown up so quickly and they remind me on a daily basis how big they are getting.  Today after the boys got up from their nap, I went in their room and laid down with them and read stories a bit.  Nolan looked at me and said, “Mommy, I’m getting so big.  Only a little bit more and I’ll be big enough to go to school and for the school bus to come pick me up.”  I nearly burst into tears.  Moments later he said, “Mommy can you rock me like you did when I was a baby? And sing me that song that you used to sing me?”  Then the tears came rolling!! 

I love all of my children so very very much and thank the Lord for each of them.  I have to admit though, the hardest part of being a mom to many (other than the constant chaosJ ) is the guilt that I have always felt for not being able to give more… more time, more attention, more love, more snuggles, more stories, more small moments reserved just for that one child…. 

So, the point of all of this?

I still remember that very moment back in 2009 when I got my very first positive pregnancy test at 6:00 in the morning.  I paced the room back and forth with some kind of excitement that I never knew existed.  (I had, afterall, waited two years for that test!!)  That moment still seems so fresh, and here we are, four years later, with three amazing children and on the way..

 

…I Blinked….

 

I blinked and my life happened!  Pry your eyes open Mommy!  For you will blink again and another four amazing years will have passed you by!  Cherish every moment… big and small; awesome and not so awesome!

Setting the Record Straight

 

 You would think I’d be used to all of the stares, pointing and beyond inappropriate comments by now.  It happens every time I take my children anywhere…even on their best behaved days!  I go it with “the boys” (the twins)…and once Ellie entered into the picture (or even during my pregnancy)…entering into the three under three club…it just intensified. 

 

This past week we had a spontaneous day (of which I have no pictures)… we were gone from the house from 8:00-1:00…spontaneity doesn’t usually work too well with three small children!  (I’m talking so spontaneous that I didn’t even have a diaper for Ellie!)  *enter gasp here*

 

On our third stop of the day, we went to Michael’s to get some wooden boxes for the boys to put their rock collection in.  I had two kids in  the stroller and I was wearing the other.  As we were standing in line patiently waiting to check out this lady turned to me with wide eyes and mouth dropped and said, “Oh. My. God.  You have your hands FULL!” 

 

More than slightly annoyed I turned to here, laughed, smiled and held both of my hands up on the air and said, “My hands are completely empty.  I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

 

On our next stop (Sam’s Club) we were standing in line and this older lady comes up to me seeming a bit puzzled and asks, “Are they all YOURS?” 

 

“Yes. They are.” I said.

 “Honey, I think it’s about time for you to shut down the factory.”  She boldly told me. 

 

And there it was…I had had it…. So I smiled and politely turned away from her. 

 

For the life of me, I can’t figure out why people feel sorry for me that I have children.  The world somehow views children as a burden, a curse even. 

 

There was a time in my life, not too long ago, that I prayed to the Lord that He would bless us with children.  I wondered if I would ever know what it was like to be a biological mom of even one child.  During this process I went through a very spiritual journey understanding that God was in control of it all and if He wanted me to have a child…I would…if He didn’t…the I wouldn’t. 

 

The Bible says in Psalm 127:3 “Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.”

 

He intended for children to be a blessing and not a burden.  I’m not going to lie… being a Mommy is the single most challenging thing I’ve ever attempted in my life…and I’m thinking it’s not getting any easier…but hear this….

 

The Lord has BLESSED us with three wonderful children who add so much to our lives…three children that I wouldn’t trade for all the money in the world even on their worst of days! 

 

Unexpected Perspective

Perspective….After all, it is the whole basis of this blog.  Sometimes I find the best perspective in the most unusual places.

 

On Mother’s Day (2013) we took my mom into the ER for pneumonia and bronchitis….not exactly the ideal mother’s day…Three days later we took her back and she had to be admitted into the hospital because she was only getting worse. 

 

As I was sitting with my mom last night at the hospital waiting for all of the admission stuff to be taken care of I said half-jokingly, “Luckily, I only have good memories of hospitals.  Don’t ruin that for me, okay mom?” 

 

I think for most people hospitals drum up some sort of strong emotion either positive or negative or possibly somewhere in between.  Despite the loss I have experienced in my life….my grandma (I was really too young to know about it), my Grandpa (who passed away of cancer and spent his final days in our home with us) and my own father….I have somehow escaped the darkness that often surrounds hospitals.  As I was sitting there with my mom, my only association was hospitals and babies…I could still imagine me as a new my cuddled up with Asher and Nolan and trying to figure out how to fit us all in the same bed and more recently, our one quiet night with Ellie at the hospital. 

 

It reminded me again of the decision I made not to go to my dad as he lay lifeless in the hospital bed…He was in Mississippi and I was in North Carolina with two two week old little babies to take care of.  He was already gone and I knew if I went to see him I may forever regret it by replacing my amazing final memories with him with new horrific images….My perspective may be forever changed…

 

More perspective….

 

As I was driving home from the hospital late last night after visiting with my mom I was praying that she would stay healthy and that this would be nothing more than a simple case of bronchial pneumonia and that she would remain with us and healthy for many years to come…I was also thinking…That was the most time I’ve gotten to actually spend with my mom in a long time.  Even though she’s been visiting she hasn’t felt well but on top of that taking care of three kids is a bit time consuming J  As odd as it was…It was great to spend time with my mom last night at the hospital…even laughing and joking…..

 

Perspective.  How much control do you think we have over our perspective?  Do our experiences change our perspective or do WE control our perspective?  Personally I think it’s a little of both, but more the first than the latter?  As strange as it is...I think the 'bad' things that happen to us have the potential to give our perspective a more positive spin...if we let them!

You're A Mommy

Yes, it has been 9 months since my last post...I'd like to think that I could take the time to "catch up" but, if I'm honest with myself, I know that that is just not going to happen!  I've had so many things that I've wanted to blog about, but simply haven't had the time to do it.  Unfortunatley, those ideas and thoughts have slipped away somewhere and got jumbled up with nursing a baby, preparing three meals a day, changing diapers, washing diapers, potty training (which is thankfully FINISHED), dishes, cooking with my boys and lots of memory making.  So, I'll just focus on today's ideas...

How fitting that it is Mother's Day!  My 4th if you want to get really specific....

Mother's Day 2010...Very pregnant with two little boys....

Mother's Day 2010....just a few more weeks of just the two of us...

Mother's Day 2011... Mommy of two almost 1 year olds

Mother's Day 2012...12 weeks with Baby E

and Mommy of two almost 2 year olds

Mother's Day 2013... Mommy of THREE amazing children!!

 (and I got to spend it with my Mommy too:)

 

I'll keep those post short and to the point. 

 

At night when we tuck the boys into bed I think of a few things...Mostly how truly blessed I am to have such an amazing family!  (I've said it before and I'll say it again...) There were many years I thought I'd never know the joy of being a Mommy...The Lord had plans for me...I just had to wait on HIM!  His timing is ALWAYS perfect!  I tuck them into bed and think how blessed we are and how blessed they are to have a MOMMY & A DADDY to tuck them in together.  I realize more and more that this is not the "normal" for our society and that households with both parents are becoming more and more unusual.  (I was a child of one of those households, but I have to say...I think I was better off for it and so were the relationships with my parents) BUT I am so happy to be a part of a family I had only ever dreamed and to be able to offer this love and security to our children. 

 

Like I was saying...after I say prayers with the boys I kiss them goodnight, usually making a funny face.... Every night Nolan says laughing, "Don't be funny, Mommy. Don't be funny. 

 

I reply, "I can't help it, I'm just a funny person." 

 

And he says...It gets me every time... "You're not a person. You're a Mommy!" 

 

I've written about this before... being lost in "just a Mommy" but recently I'm more than happy to be "just a Mommy"  It one of my primary roles in life right now (aside from being wife to my husband).  One day my children will grow up and I won't be "just a Mommy" anymore...

I'll figure out what else I am later! 

 

For now...I'm taking my son's words to heart...

 

"You're not a Person! You're a Mommy!" 

 

....more than I ever dreamed of being... a role I feel both honored and challenged to fill....a role I will be forever grateful for and cherish all of my days....

 

I love you Asher, Nolan and Ellie!  Thank you for calling me Mommy and helping me to become a better person for you!  May you always know that I love you and wish nothing but the best for you!  This has by far been the best Mother's Day yet!!!