Outgoing Call

Today, while driving down the road, I thought about all of the anxiety I was having about “Irene” (a Hurricane headed our way – in case you didn’t now) and picked up the phone to call my dad because I knew he’d cheer me up…Then I remembered…..

This moment caught me so far off guard and sent me into an array of emotions.  I’ve thought about calling him before, but never actually gone through the motions and picked up the phone and dialed his number. 

My dad’s death changed me in more ways than even I am aware of…some good, some not so good, but the greatest is the appreciation for today, the joy in the little things, a new ability to put previous stressors (well most of them) aside to enjoy the here and now, and an amazing capability to recognize all of our many blessings of the Lord. Of the ‘not so good’ are the fear that tomorrow will never come, an urgency to be prepared for the worst, a panic-like need to have my family close by, and an obsession with making and keeping memories recorded and safe.  None of the ‘not so good ones’ are traits that I can say I’m particularly proud of, but it’s here and it’s honest.

After the one year anniversary passed, I thought it’d get easier.  In many ways it has, but I honestly can’t say that I appreciate it.  As I told my mom the other day….I realized I’m thinking of him less and forgetting things about him one by one.  That scares me.  As an only child from divorced parents I have no one to really keep those memories alive with, and for the sake of my children…that devastates me. 

I’ll tell you what I do have though….The big thing that saved me from falling into a dark hole after my dad died….I knew he loved me more than anything.  I knew he was proud of everything I had become.  I knew he respected the woman I was.  I knew he knew how much I loved him.  I knew we had no ill words to speak of one another.  We had long since gotten our grievances out years ago and were able to move forward with freshness and hope.  

I know of many people who will hold a grudge over something for a long time.  That is a heavy burden to be carrying around.  What if your tomorrow never came?  Would you be leaving a loved one behind who questioned your love?  What if your loved one’s tomorrow never came?  Are there apologies that need to be made?  Forgiveness that needs to occur?  Love that needs to be revived?  I think of this so often and am so thankful for the relationship my Daddy and I had – it was amazing.  Although I miss him…I have no question about where we stood with one another - The love between us and special bond could be spotted from a million miles away.  I smile everytime I think about it.

What if your tomorrow never came?  Is there something you need to clear up today?  Are there people that need to know how much you love them?  Don’t take for granted that they know – Tell them!! Today….