Having Kids Changes Everything

 How many times have you heard somebody tell an upcoming new mom, "Having kids changes everything."  What people usually mean by this are things like....
You won't sleep again for a long time . You'll never have a moment to yourself again.  It will be nearly impossible to accomplish anything.  Shower?  What is that?! You and your husband won't be able to spend any time together anymore.  All your money will go to your babies.  There won't be any peace and quiet ever again. 

It seems that everybody fails to mention things like...
There is no love like the love you feel when you first lay eyes on your child that has been growing inside of you for so long.  Every time your baby looks into your eyes you fall in love all over again.  You will become the most selfless version of yourself that you've ever known.  The center of your universe will change forever.  Your children bring a special kind of joy and excitement that can't be found elsewhere.  There are few other things in this life that will make you feel as lucky as you do every time you look into the eyes of your baby.  Your baby will give you a million reasons to smile each day. 

While I sometimes feel some of the things mentioned on the first list, I choose to acknowledge the joys from the second for some of the following reasons... 

Spontaneous...A work in Progress

Spontaneous:  given to acting upon sudden impulses.  Anybody who knows me knows that this “spontaneous” is not a word that you would use to describe me.  As much as I want to be spontaneous all of my habits and schedules seem to rule my life.  I’m slowly trying to break away from this as I don’t want my children to be this way eventually making it difficult to enjoy life’s simple pleasures.  You don’t write “stop and smell the roses” on your to do list. 

Well, one of my first acts of spontaneity proved to be excellent.  We decided to go lunch with our good friends, the Hunts.  And the next thing we know…an hour and a half later…we were at the beach.  It was a beautiful early evening and a great time to be with friends.  The boys were sitting on the beach smiling when they would usually be in the bathtub.  I wasn’t even in a panic.  The boys didn’t get to bed until after 8:00 and we all had a great night’s sleep!  :D  Perhaps I can allow myself some future spontaneous events!

Happy Birthday?

The anticipated sadness of the day was difficult.  Four months ago, I was so looking forward to spending this birthday with my daddy.  Knowing, however, that I will never spend another birthday with him weighs heavy on my heart.  It is for this, and several other reasons that I found it slightly difficult to get through this day with a smile for my boys. 

I am trying to remind myself of all of the things I have to be thankful for.  My mom was here to spend my birthday with me.  My husband made me French toast for my birthday breakfast.  Asher and Nolan were sitting with me as I blew out my birthday candles…but somehow, I just wasn’t able to allow all of that to fill the hole that I felt today. 

There is a happy ending though…

So….after having to go to the doctor’s office this morning and then to the boys’ physical therapy appointment directly after that, I didn’t feel like going home to an empty house.  I called my friend to see if she was having her weekly get together, but then found out it had been cancelled.   Okay, perhaps I will go see Allison. I’m just not one of those people who just shows up at your door without notice, but I did not have a way to get a hold of her so I had no choice but to show up.  I continue to drive around aimlessly wondering what to do.  Meanwhile, I miss a phone call from Allison, wishing me a happy birthday and mentioning that she was hoping to see me today at our friend’s get together J  All of this aimless driving resulted in me being lost in this giant neighborhood.  I couldn’t find my way out!  What?!  Fine, I’m just going home!  This is ridiculous!

I’m driving home, about to burst into tears when I tell myself, “No, you drove all of this way to see Allison.  You go see her!”  Right before getting onto the highway, I have a change of plans and make a u turn back to the directions of Allison’s house. 

After my detour, I arrive to her street and notice that there is a car parked outside of her house and then again question whether or not it is okay for me to just show up at somebody’s house unexpectedly…especially when they have company.  Again, I give myself a pep talk, “No, you have come all this way and gone through all of this to see her…you go knock on the door at least to say hello.”

I nervously approach the door and knock gently so as not to possibly wake her precious baby. After three attempts at knocking, an unfamiliar man comes to the door.  I think to myself, very quickly, “Who is this man at Allison’s house in the middle of the day?  I know that she is a good, faithful Christian wife.  Why is this man at her house and why is he answering the door?” 

I ask, “Is Allison home?????”

“Allison?” he repeats back to me.

“Yes, Allison.” I say, completely confused.

“No, I think you have the wrong house,” he says looking at me as though I’ve just escaped the loony bin. 

I walk away wondering what that man is doing at Allison’s and why she didn’t come to the door.  After all, her car was in the driveway.  I wondered if everything was okay and as I approached my car at the curb I looked to the left and then to the right making sure I was on the right street.  After all, I’d been to Allison’s house quite a few times.  And as I reached for the handle on my door and looked to the left one more time….I realized that there, three houses down, stood….Allison’s house. 

At that point, I couldn’t decide whether to laugh or cry.  Luckily, I was able to share this story with her and then I could laugh about it!

How can this not make you smile?!

Work?

Tomorrow I am going to work for the first time since the boys were born.  Luckily, it is only to sub for a half of a day, but I have never not been here when they wake up for the day and have never not been with them for more than a few hours...that was only once....and I was less than two miles away!!! 

Somehow, I am NERVOUS about substituting tomorrow.  Isn't that the strangest thing you've ever heard?  I've been teaching since 2005 and I'm nervous about being a half of a day sub?!  Wish me luck!!!

The Whole Night Through!

I just HAVE to let everybody know that on September 13, 2010 BOTH of my baby boys slept the WHOLE NIGHT THROUGH.  Just to be more clear, I mean from 8:00pm - 5:30am!!!!!  Can you believe it?!  Let's hope and pray that means that they are finally getting the hang of this sleep thing and plan on spending many more nights asleep...ALL NIGHT LONG :D 

"I'll see you in September...."

Tomorrow marks the three month anniversary of my dad's death. On one hand it doesn't seem like three months has passed and on the other it feels like I haven't seen or talked to him in ages. This three month anniversary is taking a greater toll on me than the previous two months.  This is the month that he planned to visit the boys and myself.  I remember him saying, "September.  I'm coming back in September.  The boys will be three months old by then and we can celebrate your birthday.  Yeah, that's what I'll do..."  When he kissed me goodbye, I never could've imagined that that September day would never come....for me, Nathan, or Asher and Nolan. 

My dad...He's smiling :D 

Last year my husband arranged a wonderful surprise birthday party for me, inviting all of the precious people in my life, including my mom, step-dad, my dad and several wonderful friends.  This was the first birthday that I had spent with my dad in ages, probably since I was a very young child of about seven years old or so.  This memory will forever stay with me.  It was so special.  The funny thing is the night before the surprise party, I had a dream that I had a surprise party and I turned around and my dad was there.  All day I kept thinking that that would be such an amazing present...a surprise party AND my dad...to bad it's just a dream.  Then, the next day, my dreams became reality.  I arrived at Hiro's and saw all of my friends and then several moments later I turned around and THERE WAS MY DADDY!  My mom captured this moment on camera, but we cannot find the picture.  I long very much for this picture because it captured the look on my face that clearly stated how much I love my daddy. 

In the past year I saw my dad more times in one year than I had in four or five years combined.  It was a great year.He surprised me on my birthday in September.  I surprised him on Father's Day.  (One of few Father's Days we have ever spent together.) 

Then we were able to spend July 4th together with his family.

Nathan and I saw him again during New Year's.

Then he was here for the most amazing week of our lives to celebrate the birth of Asher and Nolan.  It really does sadden me that my dad won't be able to be around for my boys.  He was such an amazing dad and he was already so good at the Grandpa thing!  He really had it down! 

Grandpa Frank with "Little Frank"  (AKA Asher)

 Posting this blog, I have just learned something important. 

"Don't always be the invisible one behind the camera"

My dad was so busy taking pictures of all of us during Asher and Nolan's arrival, that we failed to capture him in many pictures.  He was there for so much their first week, yet he was the one behind the camera.  It's just not the same to say to my boys, "Your Grandpa Frank took this picture."  So to all of you moms, dads, grandpas, grandmas, aunts, uncles and friends....

If you're there to take the picture, get in it!

What a fantastic year! I try to remind myself of all of these special times that my dad shared with us. I think of him everyday and strive to keep all of his memories alive with us. 

Life's Simple Pleasure

It's a widely known fact that babies are cute.  Babies can do just about anything under the sun and it's "just sooo cute."  Add the adoring (and slightly annoying) new mom (that would be me) of the baby and the baby becomes even more adorable....

I've always loved to watch babies play.  It is fascinating how each day my boys are learning something new, experiencing something for the first time, whether it is a sight, smell, sound or feeling.  This week the boys got some new toys, which was exciting as we haven't really purchased too many toys for them...(since they've been born). 

Asher held this soft book all the way around the block during our walk.  I think he likes listening to the sound it makes when he touches it.  Nolan toyed around with this teething ring for awhile making several silly faces as he has not felt anything like this in his mouth before.  This sleepy time book may be a new favorite.  For the first two nights Nolan was being super silly with this book.  Every time I would finish reading a page he would stop nursing, look up at me and laugh.  I have to say, it made it rather difficult to read the story...but I enjoyed every page...and so did Nolan. 

What's this at the end of my leg?

I really can't believe I caught this on camera.  Asher and Nolan have found their hands and taken them straight to their mouths.  Very recently they have found their hands visually, which I probably find just as fascinating as they do.  Well, this photo captures Nolan finding his feet.  He's just noticed that there's something attached to the end of his leg and it's moving!  So...what does any smart baby do?  Moves it again and again and watches with fascination!  This is the purest form of enjoying the simple things in life and I believe my son has just taught me a lesson! 

QUESTION: Why do parents do stupid things to their kids just because they think it's funny?

ANSWER

Making BIG Memories in little Moments

 Today we ventured downtown to explore the arts fair that was going on and to have a little fun with the camera.  Nathan's birthday gift to me just might have been a gift for our whole family.  It seems as though Nathan has quite the knack for photography and it's a hobby that we can do together...anywhere.  We spent the afternoon having our own little family photo shoot. 

Daddy Time

After yesterday's post thinking upon the loss of my daddy, I once again am reminded of all of these precious moments.  This morning I decided to take lots of pictures of the boys and their daddy...reminding myself often "Life is Precious."  I'm sure that by now you are tired of hearing about this, but those of you who know me well know that I have often felt like everything needs to be "just perfect" in order for it to really be great.  So the task of teaching myself that "Life is Precious" is going to have to be a lesson that I present myself with daily, in every moment possible. 

This is often how our morning begins....slowly waking up to the world.  The speed at which we wake up is usually dependent upon how well the boys slept the night before.  Today, Daddy and Asher were just as cute as could be with their snuggles and giggles. 

Eventually we work our way to the living room for some tummy time, songs and play for the boys.  Nathan is very good at this.  It seems that he's been enjoying the boys' toys a little more than they have lately.  :D  Precious moments in the making.....

Day 1

Taking a family walk - A special moment I would've previously overlooked....

So...My wonderful husband bought me a wonderful birthday present!  Since the middle of my pregnancy I have had a peaked interest in photography. 

I've always loved pictures, but knowing that I was going to have two precious baby boys to photograph really drew me in.  Nathan bought me a nice camera...So...now it's a million pictures a day and lots of learning to take good pictures. 

I'm learning that even this...doing nothing...is time to appreciate

I think the combination of pictures and this new blog will help me slow down and enjoy each little moment that the Lord is allowing me to be a part of. 

So...apparently, Nathan is going to be the awesome photographer instead of me...At least that means I'll get some cute pics with my boys :) 

Life Changing Moments

Last night I had a conversation with my sister-in-law, during which, I came to several important conclusions.  I am at a point in my life where I haven't yet become the person I am meant to be.  I believe that we are always changing over the course of our lives, but I don't feel as though I have strong characteristics, beliefs, hobbies and interests that 'define' me as a person; at least none that I am prepared to set in stone.  The only thing I thing I have been identified as in recent years in OCD, anal-retentive or some other variation of such.  While I appreciate the ability to be able to task manage, organize and schedule to perfection, this is not who I want to be.  I would call it more of a problem than a strength.  I want to be somebody who can be spontaneous and enjoy it.  I want to be somebody that is made up of several wonderful parts.  I want to figure out how to combine all of my roles, new and old (woman, friend, daughter, mother, wife, christian) into a single functional, confident and happy being.  I intend to document the journey within this blog. 

Very recently my life has changed.  I have undergone two major changes this summer.  In May of 2010 the Lord blessed us with two beautiful and healthy baby boys.  Maybe one day I will get back to this and share all of the details with you.  A week and a half after my boys were born, my dad was murdered. 

I always wondered how I would get through the death of a parent.  I have always been a "Daddy's Girl."  I am so thankful that he was so amazing to me.  Under the circumstances of divorce and living apart most of my life, somehow my dad and I managed to have an incredible relationship.  I felt so close to him and knew that he would love me no matter what.  He understood me better than anybody, sometimes better than myself.  He always knew how to cheer me up, make me smile and warm my heart.

Who could've ever guessed that the best and worst moments of my life would happen so close together. Clearly, that is exactly what the Lord had in store for me.  Had it not been for the Lord's timing and precious gift of my children, I don't know how I would've survived the death of my daddy. 

All that being said, these two events have given me a new and still changing perspective on life encompassing things I've always known...but  that I never CLEARLY understood until this year.  Life is precious.  How many times have we heard this before?  When I look into the eyes of my perfect children and think of our journey to this day, I realize how precious life is.  When I think of the last moment that I ever saw my daddy, just a week after the boys were born, as he came into my room and kissed me goodbye, I realize how precious life is. 

We don't know what tomorrow holds.  I can put it on my calendar, color code it and write it in five more places, but at the end of the day....who cares?!  Does that mean that I'm going to give up my color coded calendar?  I'm working on it.  I truly believe there is a perfect balance in being both prepared and organized in order to maintain efficiency as well as "living life to it's fullest" (as my daddy recommended so many times).  I intend to find this balance.  I want to stop running from task to task, slow down and enjoy each second that that Lord has given me TODAY with my family and friends. After all...What if tomorrow does not hold that opportunity?