Life Changing Moments

Last night I had a conversation with my sister-in-law, during which, I came to several important conclusions.  I am at a point in my life where I haven't yet become the person I am meant to be.  I believe that we are always changing over the course of our lives, but I don't feel as though I have strong characteristics, beliefs, hobbies and interests that 'define' me as a person; at least none that I am prepared to set in stone.  The only thing I thing I have been identified as in recent years in OCD, anal-retentive or some other variation of such.  While I appreciate the ability to be able to task manage, organize and schedule to perfection, this is not who I want to be.  I would call it more of a problem than a strength.  I want to be somebody who can be spontaneous and enjoy it.  I want to be somebody that is made up of several wonderful parts.  I want to figure out how to combine all of my roles, new and old (woman, friend, daughter, mother, wife, christian) into a single functional, confident and happy being.  I intend to document the journey within this blog. 

Very recently my life has changed.  I have undergone two major changes this summer.  In May of 2010 the Lord blessed us with two beautiful and healthy baby boys.  Maybe one day I will get back to this and share all of the details with you.  A week and a half after my boys were born, my dad was murdered. 

I always wondered how I would get through the death of a parent.  I have always been a "Daddy's Girl."  I am so thankful that he was so amazing to me.  Under the circumstances of divorce and living apart most of my life, somehow my dad and I managed to have an incredible relationship.  I felt so close to him and knew that he would love me no matter what.  He understood me better than anybody, sometimes better than myself.  He always knew how to cheer me up, make me smile and warm my heart.

Who could've ever guessed that the best and worst moments of my life would happen so close together. Clearly, that is exactly what the Lord had in store for me.  Had it not been for the Lord's timing and precious gift of my children, I don't know how I would've survived the death of my daddy. 

All that being said, these two events have given me a new and still changing perspective on life encompassing things I've always known...but  that I never CLEARLY understood until this year.  Life is precious.  How many times have we heard this before?  When I look into the eyes of my perfect children and think of our journey to this day, I realize how precious life is.  When I think of the last moment that I ever saw my daddy, just a week after the boys were born, as he came into my room and kissed me goodbye, I realize how precious life is. 

We don't know what tomorrow holds.  I can put it on my calendar, color code it and write it in five more places, but at the end of the day....who cares?!  Does that mean that I'm going to give up my color coded calendar?  I'm working on it.  I truly believe there is a perfect balance in being both prepared and organized in order to maintain efficiency as well as "living life to it's fullest" (as my daddy recommended so many times).  I intend to find this balance.  I want to stop running from task to task, slow down and enjoy each second that that Lord has given me TODAY with my family and friends. After all...What if tomorrow does not hold that opportunity?