Hearts Breaking Around Me

Over the past week I have watched hearts break in the lives of people around me.  My heart has broken for them and my tears shed for them.  A young family laid their six year old son to rest after a year long battle with disease and a bone marrow transplant.  Another family - expecting a baby - found out nearly half way through the pregnancy that they had lost the baby.  And finally, a women (wife and mother) found out she has cancer.  In my eyes, all three of these things are horrific experiences.  When things around me start happening like this, it's almost as though I become 'afraid.'  It really makes me think and ponder my life.... My life as a Christian, as a wife, as a mother, as a daugther as a friend as even as a stranger. 

All three of these families have at least one thing in common - Their faith.  These are all families that I would consider "good Christians."  I know there really is no such thing as a "Good Christian," either you've asked Jesus into your heart or you haven't.  But beyond that, there is living for the Lord, living in His will and serving Him and trusting Him.  I suppose that's what I think of when I have this idea of a 'good christian.'  All three of these families are families that I would consider to be "Good Christians."  I've seen them living for the Lord and heard of their great faith.  Each of them experienced something this week that I imagine would bring my world crashing down.  However, these families have done nothing but continue to put their faith in Him and trust Him.  It simply amazes me.  I sometimes wonder if I would have that same faith under those terrible circumstances.  I pray that I would. 

Each of these stories breaks my heart, but the one that hits closest to home is the six year old little boy.  I keep imagining the parents of that little boy and my heart breaks for them.  Then, like a bucket of ice, it hits me, that could be me....In any one of those circumstances, it could be me....it could be our family.  If these people were living for the Lord and they weren't spared from these horrible events, then what does that mean for me?  (Please don't misunderstand this as me thinking living for the Lord, being saved by the Lord and being "good christian" excludes you from difficult or even unimaginable times.  I don't believe that at all.) 

My walk with the Lord is Not going to save me from tragedy in my life, as I've already seen.  However, walking closer to the Lord in my daily life will allow Him to hold my hand and help me over the paths that seem uncrossable.  I pray that I will have this kind of walk with the Lord, but also that my family will always keep close to Him that they would be comforted in times of need. 

As I was discussing this with my husband tonight, he reminded me of a story he knows about a family who lost their son/brother and how in the midst of that tragedy, two people came to know Jesus Christ as their Personal Lord and Saviour.  And the very selfish, human side of me thought for half a second, yeah, but I don't want to lose my kids just so somebody can be saved.  I know that sounds terrible, but I'm certain that most of you would also think the same thing for a moment.  However, what made me feel most guilty about feeling this thought, is that is what God did for us.  He gave His only Son, Jesus Christ, to die for OUR sins...MY sins, on the cross. 

What is it that the Lord gave me today? I should find it, cherish it and thank Him for it.

In closing, I ask that you would lift up these three families in continued prayer.

I Love My Life!

Has it really been almost an entire month since my last update?  Apparently, I have been busier than I have even realized.  It's so hard for me to belive that Christmas is just one week away.  This month has flown by.  I am happy to repart that many of my gifts were homemade this year.  (Thanks to my mom for all of her help!  There is no way I could've done it without her!!!)  I made cloth photo books, shape toys, a mommy and me apron 9and something I can't reveal yet, but because one of my readers hasn't opened up her present :-) But guess what....I didn't even take any pictures!!! What was I thinking?

This has been an interesting month for us due to some situations at Nathan's work, but we're almost on the other sideof all of that now. 

So, now onto the fun stuff!  My boys!  One month has changed them so much.  They are so grown up in the way they move, the way they act, the way they talk and even the way they play.  Let's see if I can try to sum up the changes in a nutshell. 

What's new this month?  Well, they've mastered the art of climbing.  I wish I had a picture to show you, but I've been too busy making sure they don't fall to grab my camera.  They both like to climb on top of the changing table and have recently mastered  climbing down from it.  They are getting fairly decent with feeding themselves with a spoon and fork.  I partially blame myself for that because two toddler boys, brightly colored food, a clean floor and a fork just don't always appeal to me so much :D  You understand, right?

They have gotten very funny as well.  It's as though they're starting to understand humor and silliness.  For example, Nolan has transitioned from open mouth kisses to puckered lips with a "mu-ah!" It's so sweet.  Well, the other day I was trying to get Nolan to give me a 'real kiss' so my mom could see and I said "Nolan, can you give Mommy kisses?"  He looked at me, smiled, shook his head no and started giggling.  (Don't mistake his humor for defiance.  He never outright tells me no when he's asked/told to do something.  He knew he was being funny here:)  Asher has become quite the comic as well.  A few days ago we were with my mom and he fell over and my mom started to laugh at him.  Well, apparently he realized this action got a reaction, so he did it again, and each time my mom laughed.  Needless to say, his 'falls' became more and more exaggerated! 

Oh, Asher and Nolan are also working on drinking out of real cups.  No lids, no straws - strict supervision :D  They love to drink out of REAL cups!  They think they are so grown when they do it!  

I have really enjoyed our children more so than usual this month.  I mean, I always enjoy them, but there are sometimes when they bring an extra dose of joy to our lives it almost makes me want to cry a few happy tears.  They have been such a pleasure to be around the past few weeks.  I am truly thankful for every moment I get with my little family! 

Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving 2010 - One little year...and all that change!

Thanksgiving is often a time people share the things they are thankful for.  I remember these activities that we used to do in school where we would write our parents a little card telling them about the things we were thankful for.  Leave it to me to come up with some really interesting things....That might be better left as a family secret.  If you really want to know you can ask my mom, I know she'll get a kick out of it! 

All joking aside, the past year has left me with a very thankful attitude.  We are so quick to take our circumstances in life for granted.  Several months back I remember seeing something about a little child dying of starvation.  Something inside of me clicked.  I became truly thankful for meals.  I can't imagine looking at my sweet little boys as they ask for a snack or more to eat and for me to have to tell them that there is not a crumb left in this house for me to give them.  It breaks my heart just thinking about it.  I am thankful that we have all of our basic needs met...A more than comfortable place to live, plenty of food to eat, climate control, clean water, hot showers, a nice and safe car, clothing - and many of these things are far more than what others may have.  The Lord has blessed us abundantly beyond our 'basic needs' I hope that I will keep my thankful attitude and appreciate all that we have and that our children will also develop an attitude of thankfulness in their everyday lives, not just at Thanksgiving. 

We hosted Thanksgiving at our house this year and it was such a wonderful and special time with family and friends.  12 people!  My biggest crowd yet.  It was so much fun and I truly enjoyed it.  I had a 'system' this year - a time line starting four days out of everything that needed to be done, down to when the table should be set on Thanksgiving Day, when things needed to be prepared and cooked.  It may seem a bit militant, but it worked for me and I didn't feel stressed about what needed to be done when.  My other time saving trick...We had skin-on mashed potatoes.  I wasn't about to waste a precious minute peeling potatoes.  I hope our guests weren't too disappointed. 

Here are a few other pictures from Thanksgiving....

Thank you, Nana, for our first Gingerbread House!!!! YUMMY!

The spread...minus my first homemade pies!

My pitiful baby the night before with a 102.6 fever



Nathan did an awesome job on his first turkey!  It was amazing!!!



Don't Waste Your Time on Everest

Don’t Waste Your Time On Everest

A difficult night tonight as I lay awake flooded with memories of my dad. I lay there still as my mind, body and heart laboriously sift through each passing thought. It’s like in a movie when the scene gets kind of blurry and there are a series of memories flashing before the character…Moments we may not quite be able to make out, but moments that are clearly important and precious. When I have moments like this I feel an urgency to get to a pen and paper to capture it all for fear it may never return.

The thoughts went something like this….I wish so badly he was here to see Asher and Nolan; to see them growing up and enjoying them at least half as much as I do. Memory fades back to May 26, 2010...picking my dad up at the airport the day before the boys were born. I was just as happy then that he was going to share this time with us as I am now. Flash forward to the following Friday as he walked back into my bedroom as I slept the new mommy sleep (in some crazy position, two eyes open, but still somehow ‘sleeping’) and told me goodbye and that he would be back in September for my birthday and that he loved me. I was so looking forward to him coming back in September….

As I’ve shared with you before, my dad’s sudden and horrific death changed me…mostly for the better. That, in conjunction with becoming a mother to two amazing little guys suddenly gave me this new found value and appreciation for life that I may not have ever otherwise understood.

So, what’s with the title? “Don’t Waste Your Time on Everest!” When my dad died I didn’t once think I wish we could’ve gone to sky diving. I wish we could’ve hiked across the country. I wish we could’ve traveled across the world. I wish we could’ve climbed Everest. No. That’s not what’s important. What’s important is that my dad knew he was the apple of my eye. He was the courage that was sometimes needed, the laughter that my have been lost, the confidence that often withered, the sunshine amongst the clouds and the fun to fill a room. And I was and will forever be that little girl that just needed and loved her Daddy…and he knew it!

Here’s my point….Don’t waste your life away wishing you could “climb your everest” instead invest the time in your loved ones now. Make sure you spend each simple and maybe even mundane day making sure they know what you mean to them. It will be the greatest gift you could ever give them. Your ‘once in a lifetime opportunity’ is now…and it’s not Everest…

One of Those Days

Have you ever had "one of those days?"  I'm certain you know what I'm talking about.  A day when you've got a few extra teeth in your smile.  A day when your smile isn't something that sits, by chance, on your face, but something you feel from the inside out.  Today, I had one of THOSE days! 

Many of you don't know this, but back in September I started watching a little boy a few days a week.  He and my children get along great, but as you may imagine, it's difficult to get out with three one year olds on two different schedules.  So, much of the time, on the days I don't watch the other little boy, my boys and I try to get out and do something special. 

Today is November 15 and Thanksgiving is a week and a half away.  However, the thermostat read 78 degrees in the car this morning...that's what kind of day it was.  BEAUTIFUL beyond explanation.  One of those days that was clearly sent straight from the Lord for us to enjoy!  I will never understand how we can have a thirty to forty degree variance withing a few days, but I'll take it! 

Well, this morning as I was heading out the door, I had intentions of going to JoAnn Fabric.  There were a few projects stirring around in my head that I wanted to get some supplies for so I could begin working on them when a free moment arrived.  Upon arriving at JoAnn's I realized I had made a terrible mistake.  I had all of these projects in my head, but nothing written down, no list made of the materials I needed and to top it off...distracted by all of the cute holiday items in the store.  So, I walked around thinking they really had some beautiful fabric and somehow managed to make it back out of the door with nothing more than a free idea pamphlet that Asher was using as toy and quite possibly a snack. 

So, we were off again.  My sister in law (FROM GERMANY!!!) called me as we were leaving and I was so excited to talk with her that I sort of forgot where my next stop was supposed to be.  During our conversation I realized that I mean to take the boys to the park, but had already missed my turn.  So, instead we would go to the library and return our books and check out a few new ones. 

As I pulled into our usual parking spot at the library I looked down at the thermostat, up at the beautiful sky and said to the boys, "You know what!? It is way too beautiful of a day for us to go to the library right now.  We are going to go get some lunch, take it to the park, have a picnic and play for a little while." 

And we were off again...Through the drive through at chick-fil-a...Their first "fast food" meal and on to the park.  Luckily I always keep a blanket in the car (for this very reason -or if we're cold).  I don't know what it was in this moment, but with the breeze, the sunshine, my amazing kids...it made me smile from the inside out! 

All of that partial chaos, unorganization and misdirection to lead me to this very moment.

This makes me think of how the Lord works in our lives.  It is often in this very fashion.  The Lord may push us through battles, struggles, heartache or despair, but He knows what He's doing with you.  Just as our crazy day 'magically' lead us to this perfect picnic...If you remain faithfully in the Lord's will, He will lead you to places you never expected, more perfect than you could've even planned yourself! 

So thankful for today!

First time independtly over the wobbly bridge

Down the big slide he goes...then turns back to look up at me with such a proud face and eagerly anticipating my praise! 



Down the BIG slide!  No babies here! Oh, and backwards is the new forewards!



The Life Span of A Memory

　

The value of a memory is often learned just a little too late. Sort of like the saying, “You don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” This old saying can be applied to our memories as well.

Memories come in all shapes and sizes. A trip to Disney World or a trip to the ice cream parlor. A fishing trip or drawing a fish. A seven day cruise or a seven minute walk around the block. Just as I’m writing this, I’ve been surprisingly filled with memories with my Daddy. A trip to Disney World with my mom and dad when I was younger. Most memorable moment…I got stung by a wasp and started screaming, but my mom and dad thought I was “cheering” for Shamoo! Very Berry Strawberry every time at the little ice cream stand! Fishing….my dad rested his foot on what he thought was the bottom of a bucket…oops - an open bucket full of bait fish! Seven day cruise with my mom and dad when I was younger…remember being sad because my parents didn’t buy anything from those little Jamaican kids. Around the block? The first time I was allowed to ride my bike around the block by myself (we lived on base)..my dad wanted to make sure I knew where I was going. I thought I was so cool, “I’ve got it Daddy. To the corner. Turn. To the corner. Turn. To the corner. Turn and back home!” So off I went….Passing the intersection of every block thinking “I don’t remember this block being this long” and here comes my daddy….”Hey Babe. Where are you going?” “Around the block, Daddy” “Shoot Honey. It ended seven blocks back that way!!” He taught me how to ride my bike without training wheels on a flight line in Illinois! Proud moment for Daddy and little girl!

Several days after my dad died I had memory after memory…just like these… flying through my head and I was clinging to them, reaching for them as quickly as I could with the fear that they may escape me, never to return. In the many days that followed, memories continued to come to me out of nowhere. But then something tragic happened.

They suddenly stopped coming. Little by little I started to forget those cherished memories I was clinging to so desperately. And it occurred to me…

What is the life span of a memory?

Just a little more than the people you shared it with.

When you don’t have any more of the “remember that time” moments with that person…the memories start to fade away.

So, this Holiday Season..remember this.. as you are gathered around with family and loved ones and you listen to the same story you have heard fifty times, laugh about the same family vacation, smile about the same fond tradition, or try to settle - for the last time the details of an old family story…by being in that moment you are adding years to the life span of your special, cherished and irreplaceable memories…so sit back, relax and enjoy your moment…for tomorrow it will be a memory…and Lord willing…you can laugh about it again next year.

First "Photoshoot"

I am excited and happy to report that thanks to my amazing neighbor and even more amazing friend, I had the opportunity to do my first photoshoot yesterday! We all had so much fun. I'll post more pictures later, but this was my first favorite! I just want to say a big thank you to Courtney, Eric and the kids for allowing me to spend the afternoon with you and capture some amazing moments on camera. They did such an amazing job!

Not a Mommy Thing

Do you ever look in the mirror and ask yourself, "Who Are You?"  Me Either.  Okay.  Sometimes.  I am just amazed by the fact that I am me, but sometimes I am still surprised to find things out about the way I think, feel, process, respond, believe etc.  I mean, I am me, why wouldn't I just know all of these things instinctivley?  Today, I was hit by another realization about myself and here it it.  Let me preface this by saying this is NOT about my husband, this applies to many people in my life...past, present & future. 

So here it is....When I feel loved, I love back with everything I've got.  I am kind to that person, try to do extra special things for that person, figure out how to make that persons day and so on and so forth.  However, when I feel that a 'level of love' has been lost, I tend to shy away and not be so involved with that person.  I'm going to guess that many of you would say that this is only natural, but I've noticed that it occurs frequently with me.  It's almost as though I feel intimidated, or why bother if they don't like me to begin with?  I think I'd call it a fear of regection. I'm not really sure how this works or where it comes from, nor am I particularly crazy about it. 

However, I realize this as well...If I would be the one to first do the 'loving' (or reaching out etc) then maybe none of that would matter.  I would be so focused on trying to bring other people moments of happiness that it'd all circle back around. 

Please don't mistake this post for me saying that I'm feeling unloved, it's just that I was reflecting on friendships over the past several years and other relationships with people through groups and sometimes my friendships have a tendancy to sort of 'die off'.'  So, that's life, you say?  Is it?  Is that's how it's supposed to work or have I not been the friend that I should be?  What do you think? 

Heart Smiles

I don't know where it goes, time that is, but it gets away from me so quickly I can hardly stand it.  As the hours, days and week fly past me, I realize they're already gone before I've noticed them passing.  These precious baby boys of ours are SIXTEEN MONTHS OLD...which is entirely too close to 18 months, which means 2 years is just right around the corner.  I miss my babies, but I do love these little boys that seem to be forming right before our very eyes.

The transition from two naps to one nap is just about successful and complete.  We make it through most mornings now without too much fussiness.  It's all smiles and play these days, which I very much appreciate.  In fact, today, I was actually thanking the Lord for some of the 'not so good' days we've had in the past several weeks, because without them, I'd never be able to appreciate sitting happily with my little family with smiles and laughter and marveling at these little guys. 

I've really been enjoying these boys lately.  They are so funny, so interesting and inquisitive.  It hardly seems possible that they should be 'communicating with me.'  Asher is working on quite a few words and doing well.  Nolan is just about to the point where we can tell he tries to repeat a portion of almost everything we are saying.  I don't know what it is about a child learning to talk, but the desire and labored effort just melts my heart.  I'm sure you experienced moms are saying, you want them to talk now, but just you wait, they'll never stop!  That's okay.  When they walked I was so interested to watch them choose the things that they were interested in doing and exploring and when they start talking...well, I'll finally get to learn what's their amazing (and adorable) little heads! 

Today Nolan and I were standing by the window looking out...(Thanks to Daddy for rearranging so we would have the window exposed for viewing and not blocked by the couch) and I was certain Nolan was carrying on a full blown conversation with me.  (He says about 20 or more words that actually are consistent and have meaning)  None of those words were included in this conversation.  He kept looking out the window, pointing, talking, moving his hands, then looking back at me as if i were supposed to answer him.  I just said, "Honey, I think you are having a conversation with me!  I'm very excited, but I don't think I have a clue what you are talking about, but let's keep talking..." and away he went, jabbering on a few more phrases that were certainly supposed to convey some sort of message to me.  I felt as though he were asking me a question about something that was outside.  I just kept naming objects that were outside and stated their purpose as if that's what he was actually interested in. 

Have I told you how much they like to vaccuum?!  My (amazing) sister in law gave us her old vaccuum since they couldn't take it on a plane and it's great for the boys because it's small enough for them to handle.  Now, every time I get that thing out, they expect a turn.  They even sing a 'vacuum song'  When it comes on they try to make the sound with their voices.  They've done this for several months and truly enjoy the vaccuum! 

Asher's new thing is putting things 'away.'  I say 'away' because I don't mean in their CORRECT place.  He is really into transferring objects from one location to another.  Just today I watched him take his toys and trasnfer them to at least four different places....from the toy box to the toy lid, to the alligator teeter totter, to the books basket to the coffee table.  What amazed my husband and I about this was that he was rearranging items so that they would fit in the space he wanted them to. 

Oh yeah, and today we were working on colors.  Nolan's favorite color (this week) is blue.  He will get the color blue correct about half of the time.  I love when he says blue because he tries SO hard to the the 'b' sound out.  Of course it's more like 'boo' because the l is missing from the word when it says it, but I still love it and I love even more that they are trying.  We played a game today with some little wooden blocks.  I laid three or four different ones on the floor and asked them to hand me the 'blue' (or another available color) and I couldn't believe how successful they were with this activity!  Purple is fun too...it's something like 'PaPa'  :-)

Do you know what I love more than any of this other stuff though....THE HUGS AND KISSES!  They feel so random and undeserving, yet so priceless!  Nothing sweeter than my baby boys running across the room and wrapping their tiny little arms around me.  How can I love something that little...How can so much love be wrapped up in a little being?! 

Tonight in our devotions, Nathan was talking about the range of emotions he sees me feel for the boys (sad for them, sorry for them, happy for them, pity for them etc...) and reminded me that that's how our Heavenly Father feels for us.  He loves us more than we can even love our own children!!  I can't imagine a love that big.  Can you?

No.  A simple two letter word that the Mommy of every toddler utters more than desirable.  I have a new meaning of the word NO...N(essecary) O(pportunities). 

My boys are a few days shy of 16 months old, which is very hard for me to believe, as usual.  We have once again entered into a new stage.  I catch myself saying no over and over and over again.  Let's be clear about one thing, it's not because my kids are "bad" because they are not.  They are very obeident children. Actually, the overuse of the word no is not their fault at all, it's mine.  I have had a difficult time deciding their boundries.  I firmly believe in consistency with child rearing, but I am embarassed to say that I have not been as consistent as I would like to be.  It seems like I am torn in two directions with their every move.  What is acceptable behavior and what is not?  What are they allowed to touch, climb, tap, throw, eat and what are they not?  So many of these things are simply a part of development.  If they were NOT trying to do all of these things then I would be worried that they were delayed in some way.  They have just let me know they are quite healthy and right on target for development.  They are curious, as all children should be.  I am inspired by their inquisitive little minds.  My job is to decide what is acceptable and to teach them which behaviors are appropriate and which are not. 

I'm challenging myself to change my perspective...afterall this is a blog about the perspective of a Mommy!  As my wise husband told me the other day, "They're not bad, they're just curious and busy..."  He's right.  We adults let it all cloud our head and may at times become frutrated when there are toys everywhere, a toddler just slipped and bumped his head and the other one is headed to his favorite snack dish (aka - THE DOG FOOD!)  In that moment, it can seem like a lot, but if I stop and take a step back, it's pretty funny and I should feel lucky to be a part of this blessed chaos everyday.  Sometimes I don't think I give myself enough credit though...there are TWO 16 MONTH OLDS IN THIS HOUSE!  You don't get to tell me how peaceful it is at your house if you only have one or if yours have been grown for 5 years or more :D  Two perfectly healthy 16 month boys are busy.  Sometimes us fuddy duddy adults mistake busy for 'bad.'  Busy does NOT equate to BAD, so don't confuse the two....like I sometimes do....

I'm on a journey to read several child rearing books.  I've never done it before, but I do have some instincts that I trust, but I also feel as though this is the most important job I've (n)ever done!  What qualifications do we have to have to be a 'good mom'?  There's no training or school that certifies one as a "good mother." My job is to TEACH...not just discipline all day long.  I need to teach our children correct behaviors.  So, I'm changing my language and reverting to something I was very familar with as a public school teacher.  I'm going to use positive statements as often as possible.  For example, When Nolan is standing on the couch, I'll replace "no" with "sit down"  I'd like to limit the use of the word no and instead remind myself that it is a necessary opportunity for me to TEACH our children appropriate and acceptable behaviors. 

Wish me luck....

One Word

“Write one word to describe this person.”These are directions that have the potential to have a profound impact on yourself or somebody else. 

Tonight I went to the Ladies Meeting (Peacemakers) at our church.  The above directions were given to the ladies.  We each wrote our name on a piece of paper, put it in a bowl, drew somebody else’s name out of the bowl and had to write down one or two words to describe this person.  Then, we went around the room to share what we had written about the person.  When my name was read the word that was chosen was simply, “Stylish.”  At first thought, especially given the troubles I’ve had with my SAHM wardrobe, this was a bit of a compliment.  However, after only a few seconds of this sinking in my eyes begin to well with tears as I realized just what this meant….

Here I sat in a room full of Christian women, at a church I’ve been going to for about five years, professing to be a Christian myself, having asked Jesus Christ into my life to live and reign over my life, to serve, honor and love Him…and “stylish” was all I became?  I seriously began to question my walk with the Lord and my testimony to those around me.  Let me be very clear in saying that I’m not angry at this person or the person that organized this activity, in fact, if anything, I am grateful.  In my opinion, anything that makes you look a little deeper is a great thing, even if (like was said at the meeting) the truth hurts. 

Being that this blog is called “Mommy’s Perspective” I feel it necessary to relate this to my mommyness as well.  If I am living a life for the Lord and not even the people that I go to church with can see that, then something is very seriously flawed.  What word would my children use to describe me? I believe our first ministry is our family.  Are my husband and I living the kind of life where our children know that we love and serve the Lord?  A life that teaches them a biblical set of standards? 

What about strangers on the street?  My husband?  My family? My friends on facebook? My blog readers?  What word would these people use to describe me?  Have I lost my testimony for the Lord somewhere along the way?  I’m sure we’ve all heard that actions speak louder than words.  What actions have I done or not done to lock in somebody’s opinion about me? 

I pray that from this moment forward that the Lord will guide me on a straighter and narrower path to honor Him….that next time somebody has to use one word to describe me in one word phrase they might say “Christian” or “God Honoring” (or something that remotely speaks highly of the character that the Lord has taught me). 

What word would people use to describe you?  Is it a word that you are satisfied with?  A word to be proud of? 

Fifteen Months and Fifteen New Experiences Everyday!

As usual, I can hardly believe how the time has passed.  My baby boys are fifteen months old (and then some).  We have been having so much fun with them.  I don't know when they matured enough to be 'hams' but they sure are funny!  While fifteen months is still a bit of a transiton for all of us as we're still adjusting to a single nap per day, it has opened up many possiblities for excitement each day. 




Asher - Next to one of his preemie pj's...Big Boy now





Finally big enough to ride in the cool cart!



One of Nolan's favorite activities

I love to watch Asher and Nolan play these days.  I watch them with amazement and can't believe how they're really 'little boys.'  The baby is fading quickly and as much as it saddens me it also brings a smile to my face to see them grow and change and become themselves a little more every day. 

Nolan has really started talking lately.  Last week while we were visiting Grandma, he surprised us with a few words!  He wanted a snack (which Mommy always has a multitude of) while we were at Target and he held out his hand and said "A-Peez, Peez"  (Please for all of you who are not yet fluent in baby) 

This is my all time favorite though...When I open up doors or need them to back out of the way I say "Beep, Beep, Beep" - like a truck backing up.  The other day Nathan came home from work and while he was opening the door, Nolan said "Beep - Beep - Beep"  It was the cutest thing and I just laughed and laughed.  Other words include duck, dog (which is said for any four legged creature), bird, baby, shoes, bye bye, hi, drink, snack, up, hot, ball.  What I really love is that when I go get there shoes out they know it's time to go bye bye.  So as soon as I get them out, they pick them up and go running to the door saying 'bye-bye'  They love to go, as I'm sure most kids do. 

Asher is doing summersaults now.  I have yet to catch this on video, but I hope to soon!  He sort of started doing it on his own and then I guided him a little.  Now I can go to him and say, "Put your head down, let's do a summersault" and he will stick his hands and head on the floor like he is about to do a headstand. 

Well, I suppose that's all for now.  I just wanted to give an update, mostly so I wouldn't forget these things for myself ;-) 

Outgoing Call

Today, while driving down the road, I thought about all of the anxiety I was having about “Irene” (a Hurricane headed our way – in case you didn’t now) and picked up the phone to call my dad because I knew he’d cheer me up…Then I remembered…..

This moment caught me so far off guard and sent me into an array of emotions.  I’ve thought about calling him before, but never actually gone through the motions and picked up the phone and dialed his number. 

My dad’s death changed me in more ways than even I am aware of…some good, some not so good, but the greatest is the appreciation for today, the joy in the little things, a new ability to put previous stressors (well most of them) aside to enjoy the here and now, and an amazing capability to recognize all of our many blessings of the Lord. Of the ‘not so good’ are the fear that tomorrow will never come, an urgency to be prepared for the worst, a panic-like need to have my family close by, and an obsession with making and keeping memories recorded and safe.  None of the ‘not so good ones’ are traits that I can say I’m particularly proud of, but it’s here and it’s honest.

After the one year anniversary passed, I thought it’d get easier.  In many ways it has, but I honestly can’t say that I appreciate it.  As I told my mom the other day….I realized I’m thinking of him less and forgetting things about him one by one.  That scares me.  As an only child from divorced parents I have no one to really keep those memories alive with, and for the sake of my children…that devastates me. 

I’ll tell you what I do have though….The big thing that saved me from falling into a dark hole after my dad died….I knew he loved me more than anything.  I knew he was proud of everything I had become.  I knew he respected the woman I was.  I knew he knew how much I loved him.  I knew we had no ill words to speak of one another.  We had long since gotten our grievances out years ago and were able to move forward with freshness and hope.  

I know of many people who will hold a grudge over something for a long time.  That is a heavy burden to be carrying around.  What if your tomorrow never came?  Would you be leaving a loved one behind who questioned your love?  What if your loved one’s tomorrow never came?  Are there apologies that need to be made?  Forgiveness that needs to occur?  Love that needs to be revived?  I think of this so often and am so thankful for the relationship my Daddy and I had – it was amazing.  Although I miss him…I have no question about where we stood with one another - The love between us and special bond could be spotted from a million miles away.  I smile everytime I think about it.

What if your tomorrow never came?  Is there something you need to clear up today?  Are there people that need to know how much you love them?  Don’t take for granted that they know – Tell them!! Today….

Changes, Transitions & Some Smiles Too!

In one short week, my little (babies) guys will be 15 months!  I don’t know that it will ever cease to amaze me how such short periods of time have the capability to change so much.  At twelve months, I could almost convince myself that Asher & Nolan were still babies, but now, a few short days away from 15 months, I can no longer deny the fact that they are toddlers….walking, running, dancing, laughing, joking, playing, climbing and exploring in new ways everyday! 

Toddlerhood with twins brings about a new set of challenges as well as some additional excitement.  Our first big hurdle has been the transition from two naps to one.  I fought this for as long as I could, trying to get my boys to take two naps everyday, but as I watched them they gave me more than enough indication that they were ready for the BIG SWITCH. It was starting to take them longer to fall asleep for their morning nap and then it didn’t last for long.  Then they were unable to fall asleep during their afternoon nap.  They would just lay in their cribs for up to an hour rolling around, talking, singing and giggling.  The biggest indication was the day we were out past their usual nap time and they weren’t acting tired nor did they fall asleep in the car ride home.  I got the message then. So, the transition began.  (about a week ago)  I’ve found that it’s easier to keep them awake in the morning hours if we are out and about, which is pretty fun for us!  It’s still a work in progress…but I think we’ll get there soon enough. 

MOLARS MOLARS EVERYWHERE!  My poor babies…eh-hem…I mean, toddlers, have molars coming in all over the place.  Poor Asher has always cut multiple teeth at one time.  He’s usually a champ about it, but molars sort of changed that.  He has had four molars coming in for the past several weeks as well as one eye tooth!  Nolan has two coming in as well.  That’s seven teeth between the two of them which makes the need for a few extra snuggles! 

Mommy Did What?!

Last month, for the first time EVER, the boys went to bed without the ‘need’ of Mommy.  Nathan put them to bed while I met up with some girlfriends.  It’s strange how it gives me a sense of freedom, yet I still HATE to be away from them.  It happened at just the right time though because I was able to go to dinner with my very good friend, Courtney to celebrate her birthday.  A month ago, I would’ve never been able to do that because I wouldn’t allow myself to be out past 7:30 because I felt the need and desire to be there for Asher and Nolan.  It thrills me to know that we’ve raised children that can feel secure in a variety of settings. 

I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll continue to say it until my little guys are 50 or more, but I do miss my babies, but oh how I enjoy this stage where they can interact with us and even find things comical.  I appreciate the ‘big boy’ that’s starting to come out in them.